Me and My Rantsss:)

Life's a Bed of Roses

A Walking Contradiction

Today I went to OneUtama for Lunch at Obrien’s and next to me was a family(mum,dad and 8 yrs old kid). Her parents were explaining to her the notion “Life is like a bed of roses” They were telling the kid that her life was indeed a bed of roses whereby mum and dad loved her she can have all the toys in the world and eat whatever she wanted to eat and play and make friends at school. The gal then replied “OOOOhh like that why u never call me “Rose”?” ehhehe so cuteJ As I grow older, I still think that life’s a bed of roses, just that I’ve come to realize that roses come with thorns too.:) But no matter wert, still beautiful….

I personally face a battle with time. I was adviced to make time for myself because time will never make time for us…which is true! So I made time or myself today and went shopping at ONE utama….ahh a word of advice, if u EVER EVER wanna eat the yummiest egg tarts or the nicest dim sums or the nicest porridge or wantanmee…go to CANTON-I at oneutama. It’s a  mouthwateringly AWESOME sight and I’m sure it taste’s good too as heaps of people were dining there!…I’d do so the next time I go there!

Shopping! Shoppping! Shopping! Not sure why, but Lacoste designs seem to appeal very much to me. They’ve got a very nice range of things…nice shoes, nice bags, nice polos …Guess has nice pieces of clothings,DKNY has nice sling bagsss, CK had good looking clothes whilst Ralph Lauren had nice shirts..the big pony PolO Costs 600 buckss..aiyaiyaiyai… So Guess what? I bought NOTHING! But was more than satisfied…to just look around and tried on some things… Just by walking around today made me feel happy I was around. I was shopping like any ordinary person no frills..just buy la if I like it…but there wasn’t anything so EXTRAORDINARY that I decided its money well spent, I spent half my day thinking that the things were more than overpriced. Hehehe..if only the price was right…but then think about it in a more positive way, I would have been broke now if it was.!

Gooood Newws: Guess wert? Mei Ching just Gave birth To baby Ethan! Wow…Congratulations a mama now! The baby’s super cuteJJ …minus the 14 hrs of labour..all’s good!:)

Ok…that was release, joy and happiness!…now my journey continuesJ

“You Must Love Me” –Andrew Lloyd Webber

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you

Certainties disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

You must love me
You must love me

Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed
You must love me

C'est La Vie Mon Cherie

C’est La Vie Mon Cherie

If your heart is weary and your hears are all dried up

This feeling is hard to relinquish or forget

I once used to have all the time in the world

But I haven’t seen you for many nights and many days

This love is forever difficult to resolve I hope in our afterlife,

we can embrace again Loving someone,

How to remain faithful till you’re old?

How to face everything, I Don’t know

Reviewing the past, the painful memories are unforgettable

Why do you come again to make my heart race?

How is it possible to stop loving you

Tonight you should understand It is difficult to escape fate,

just as it is difficult to dissolve love

The past week I have been a little unwell…getting all stirred up and easily agitated,cranky and all that sort. I so much hate myself for being so but sometimes I have no control over feelings. Just feels like shiat. But things are getting much better now. Reality is starting to sink in I know and I understand and I think that I have absolutely nothing to be angry about. I know it's not my right..:)

Hmnn I'm like really hungry now, I've been so isolated in my room, i sit here with loads of books and working as fast as a snail. Feelmore like kopitiam toast brown bread with super kaya butter Slurppsss.. and dim sum har kau siew mai...aiyayayai I'd be feasting soon...very very soon !! hehehe

Anyways health wise I’m feeling better, an appetite for everything! and now slowly getting stronger. Almost and I mean ALMOST everyday going to gym to lift 1.5 kg weights… (***when ppl look at me I just have this gut feeling that they’d think I’d better not come to class and do anything! not that they told me right in my face, but somehow or rather I can sense them thinking like that in their minds.. Muahahha. Anyways not exactly trying to work out ler but just to chuck a little sweat now and then which is indeed so satisfying...wet slabs of water all over ur body..making u stink!:P absolutely 100% satisfactory!. Who cares what people think!

Today was fruitful i watched like uncountable hrs of television...I watched like 15 episodes of the recent tvb release of C’est La Vie Mon Cherie and I cried..aiyaiyai…Very seldom do I cry whilst watching movies..but this time around I did le. touched my heart and indeed it…makes me reflect on my life. In this life I've been lucky many times, the people who once loved me, never gave up on me, never failed me and those that had super dooper faith in me. It takes alot alot and i know U're much stronger than i am. I salute u!! and for that i Thank you.

I’ve learn much from this simple movie. Pride doesn’t take a person far. However, the problem is…I’ve never met someone who has got so much pride and selfishness besides me which therefore makes me the most “selfish and prideful’ person on this planet earth. Not something to be proud of as ONLY sometimes and RARELY does pride become a virtue.

During other times, it's always been love that makes life liveable. So, I hope to get rid of this wrongful pride and consider the simple notion of love. It took time for me to realise that things will ever gonna be so simple as people can’t just spell it out for you….

I’m better now and the best thing about this tiny little revival in me is the way it's affecting my family and friends. I had left a trail of sad, upset, disheartened people in the wake of my frailty these past few weeks.Today, I know they are even more pleased than I was that I and my smile were back. Whatever it is, I’m still scared but much more comforted, this path this journey called life...:)

My Prayer

It’s hard to find strength sometimes. Not feeling to well today but trying to pick myself up. Sometimes, its hard to smile. Really, this is coming from someone like me who loves to laugh non stop.. heheh… I find it so hard but I’m hanging on..just good to have a blog sometimes, an avenue to release I classify this as!! I hope someday it will be over I pray and I hope and I hope and I pray again…But sometimes, I think id dread a day whereby all this is done and when my work on earth is complete, I might feel sad to leave this earth because so much that I will misss…haiyaiyai…see how humans are never contented and forever demanding ..I’m like living proof.. no energy today… just praying…

I pray you’ll be my eyes
And watch me where I go
And help me to be wise
In times when I don’t know

Let this be my prayer
As I go my way
Lead me to a place
Guide me with your grace
To a place where I’ll be safe
La luce che to dai

I pray I’ll find your light
Nel cuore restero
And hold it in my hearts
A ricordarchi ch
When stars go out each night
L?eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be my prayer
Quanta fede c?e
When shadows fill my day
Lead me to a place
Guide me with your grace

Give me faith so Ill be safe.
Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
I’d ask that life be kind
E?il desiderio che
And watch me from above
Ognuno trovi amore
I hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love

Let this be my prayer
Let this be my prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide me with your grace
Give me faith so I’llll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera

I Hope and Have Faith

I have not been able to get much sleep lately. Nothing much has happened but a lot of things cross my mind and made me reconsider my views and decisions …I’m still in a state of confusion..as I always say, I’m such a “walking contradiction”…I might not say what I mean and I mean what I might not say and I might not say exactly what I want to mean……but its hard…to put aside selflessness and stubbornness…Humans, especially me, are made as such, only when things hit you right at your face ud see thru yourself and it would most likely be then that u’d realize its too late and now instead of all this, one has to master the art of letting go + move on….:)

A close friend of mine shared with me having reviewed recent statistics that chemo kills as many patients as the cancer! What the heck! after all because the drugs used are poison, and what are the odds of poison healing ur body? Like one in a million…..I hate cancer. I truly do. I’m sure we all know someone with a cancer story, especially today, Everytime I hear someone being diagnosed, I can tell u, my heart trembles…

I’ve always defined cancer in its good sense….id like to think that the meaning of life only truly unfolds after cancer, the spirit of togetherness only adds on from there and theres’s so much hope and eagerness to live and embrace life.., but as of tonight i feel so irritated by it. Cancer takes away the life u own…it takes away everything and makes u feel so away from the society and affects the decisions u make. As much and no matter how much u try to live a normal life, its still difficult like a drug addict that try’s to conform to the society’s norms after being rehabilitated.

I hate how much cancer dwells within our society and I hate the way sometimes no matter how hard u try to think and look on the positive side to it, but at the end of the day fall back to the notion that it sucks BIG time…To me, Cancer is a package, it not only comes as a tumour to be dealt with, eradicated or removed. It comes delivered with a truckload of fear and frustration and it is these emotions that seem as devastating as cancer itself

I'm not afraid of death, it's the dying part I'm scared of….-Woody Allen-

But then again, here’s to cancer and god’s miracle battle he has provided us. I'm sure he has his reasons for all the things that he has put us thru…., hang in there, chemo won’t heal by God’s grace I’m sure and I’d pray he’d pull u thru…I hope and I have faith…

Happy Birthday:)

Today marked 19 years of my brothers life!! Hmnnn so fast!, He’s so grown up and rounded now. BuT in many ways, he still is the 5 year old little boy with the big stomach whom I’ve spend years and years of my life arguing, sharing, playing and complaining about!! No matter how much he irritates me .. I must say that I constantly need his annoyance.  I guess it’s a pure love thing , the thing that’s entrusted in the term known as “family”, that has brought the both of us so closely knitted. SO glad that in this life, God has given me him and I would never trade him for another. (Factually, I have no choice ) Well, there’s a lot of joy being able to share happy and sad times with our loved ones, however, there are some others whom had to leave us earlier and go up to heaven first…

Today officially marks Jonathan’s one year departure from us as well. Time really really flies, but I still find it hard to accept that he’s gone. He was indeed a 3 year old remarkable boy, with a ready smile, a sense of mischief and unusual level of endurance. To think of the burden of his cancer which he had to wrestle, he was Only so so young ….but I guess the memory of his short time span here on earth will be engraved into others close to him…He was not destined to win this battle but he fought a good good fight so courageously.

So here’s to those whom suffer the same faith and know such loss; I just want to tell you I feel your pain. But I can only do so much…sometimes how I wish I was given the opportunity to talk to god right now and ask him why all this why me, why him…but I guess I need to be patient!! No greater grief in life than to lose someone due to being ill. But we need to keep in mind also that the mysteries of life are not easy to understand at times. The blessings hidden in grief are nearly impossible to see but I pray that we will all be able to make peace with such situations.

Love and lost is a lesson of strength and peace which I would happily have loved to do without. But God has prepared for each and every one of us a unique path and we have to embrace it and hope in time to come we’d be able to understand his reasons.

May your lives be richly blessed as I consider mine to be Here’s to the lovely boy that God has given life and touched many here on earth…and here’s to God for giving me a brother! As for this path called “Life”…I know things won’t go smooth but I surely hope that no matter what you and I go thru, we’d always end up keeping in mind that God has his reasons and much of it is to cultivate strength, faith, hope and love amongst each other. !

Just when i needed him most:)

Ever gone thru times whereby you’d know the obvious, u know the apparent truth but yet in the end u make a decision swaying from your state of mind. I think I’ve been hit by these sorta moments often these days. I AM NAÏVE. Frankly speaking I have to make this admission, I’m still rather shallow in thought and I don’t think I know how to make a stand in my life. I’ve made so many mistakes both intentionally and unintentionally and am still not very strong in whatever I belief

Today was nice! I went to PJGH, just for a short span of time, but felt good. I went for an evangelistic meeting. Personally, it was rather refreshing….in the presence of God. Its been a while now since I’ve constantly attended church.:( In some ways it makes me feel distant from him…what more to find someone close to my heart to share this love I have with god…hmnn not yet. CLP is taking up ample of my time, not that I’m studying or actually listening, I’m just attending classes to avoid a guilty conscience. not sure if it’s a good excuse.

But I’m glad I went tonight…. …It’s true what he says, no matter what you do in life, however grief stricken, however sick, God forgives and he cares for us… Despite all my sin…the only person that forgives is…My GodJ Sometimes, its hard to share this love I have with him to the others, especially to persons close to my heart. I Love God so much, sometimes I don’t even know how to express it. However, in terms of my walk with the lord, I Think I’m kinda left behind…how I wish in my life, some things were different.. I too am learning to find strength to walk this road and I hope you’d do the same… I’m far from perfect.

Someone recently gave me this song, and so much so that in times of need, its been encouraging me to turn to him and have faith and not just sit there and expect: So here’s hoping u’d be richly blessed by the lyrics of this song tooJ God answers prayers....

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

The Truth About GUYS?

--Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!

--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him

--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.

--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

--Guys get jealous easily.

--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.

--Giving a guy a hanging message
like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would makehim jump to a  conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure
it out.

--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your
relationships.

--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually
saying, "Please come and listen to me."

--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that
often, so when it does, you know something's up.

--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when
you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It
makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to
disagree with them.

--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

--If you are going to reject a guy,just do it. Don't say they are like a
brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.

--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable
decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

Elections!

Much has happened ever since I last posted here…just felt this sudden urge of writing again on this blog! Yesterday night was all but interesting...

In view of the upcoming general election and as a responsible citizen, I took more notice about politics this time around and how elections in Malaysia were held. Ceramah’s were held everywhere organized by BN and DAP more frequently in the Subang Area!

Yesterday night, I was all geared up to hear DAP speakers, Lim Kit Seang, Hannah and Govind speak at the USJ 12 field. The air of anxiety was ridden! I was curious and wanted to hear what these political agitators, activists and fighters had to say and was able to do if elected as governing party. Hmnn….thank goodness I had buddys like Dennis, Joshua and a friend to join me! It was jam packed…cars were parked all around that area and there was a crowd of around 6-7000 people! I guess Malaysians are going thru a conscious raising period whereby awareness associated with social justice, human rights and civil liberties are spreading. Wow!!

When we arrived we heard Govind speaking…partyly blaming Samy Vellu for this and that….calling the government Stupid. It’s funny how the crowd was so agreeing with him. We parked like a mile away! And barely caught a glimpse of him, we stood quite far away and was thinking of only walking towards the crowd to catch a glimpse of our sweet looking Miss Hannah Yeoh previous SMSU student…! Mana tau….barely 20 minutes into Govind’s speech..it rained cats and dogs! Alamak:P ….there we stood without the umbrella all drenched wet..hehehhe Time of our lives, We decided not to stand there in the rain as it was getting heaps heaps cold …I could feel my heart shiver…not sure why the rain was extremely cold yesterday nite!:P Aiyaiyaiyaiyai..! We ran back to our car and then went home took a shower and ended up eating magi at Suku!

Ahhh din get to hear much…but having stood there for that 20 minutes listening to what the DAP had to say…I felt this sense of disrespect.They condemn the prime minister, ministers and other members of the administration. I am an illiterate when it comes to politics, however I am of the view that it is rather rude condemning the government in this manner. Don’t they realize that they are not personal enemies and just political opponents…or are they both? Hmnn…Maybe!

I’m not saying they are right or wrong and I stand on the fence. But I deem these sort of assaults as inappropriate. I have not gone to a BN ceramah but I would think that they are not any better than this in terms of discouraging persons to vote against the opposition. Democracy gives everyone a right to say whatever they want, but these public rebuttals should be done with awareness- don’t flinch with slander.

10 Things I Hate About you..

10 Things I Hate About You....

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way youre always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when youre not around,

and the fact that you didnt call.

But mostly I hate the way I dont hate you,

not even close...not even a little bit ...not even at all.

May life be gentle with you
May God's best come your way
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way

Anywaysss...i guess i shall stop blogging for a while now, nothin much left to say these dayss...so i wish u the happiest in all that you do. :)

Beyonce - Listen

Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen (mmm)
To the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
Oh, the time has come
For my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won’t listen

CHORUS:
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known

Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've got to find my own

VERSE 2:
You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago
Oh, I'm screamin out
And my dreams will be heard
[Listen lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen

CHORUS:
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known

Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've got to find my own

BRIDGE:
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't
Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but I will complete

2nd part of CHORUS:
Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I've got to find my own, my own